What are we? Where are we going? What do you expect from me? How many children do you want to have? When will I meet your parents?
Your eyes dart from side to side, your brain panics, and you’ll likely start sweating. The stuttering makes you obvious, and as much as you want to avoid the subject, your partner expects an answer. Or maybe you are the one who asked the question and you face the surprised eyes of your partner who seems to be facing the courts of the Spanish Inquisition. Talking about the future with your partner is not an easy topic, as it involves facing reality, your demons and fears to answer questions you would rather run away from, but it is a habit to consider at a point where there seem to be differences about the future.
Whether you’ve been dating for two months, dating for four months, or living together for three years, there are several moments in a couple’s life when defining what each of you wants is important. Talking honestly with each other helps neither of you to waste your time, to have false illusions and to avoid future conflicts and misunderstandings. As we have shared with you on several occasions, communication and trust are vital in a couple’s relationship, and regarding communication, it is important to be able to talk about what you want and expect from the relationship. We know that talking about the future is not easy and maybe it is a conversation you are terrified to have with your partner, so we give you some tips to ease the issue and be able to define if that person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Talking about the future can generate tensions between you, because both of you should speak frankly about the subject. Honesty, therefore, is basic to having a successful conversation, but listening is also vital. Far from wanting to overwhelm the other, take the time for each of you to speak, without pressure or criticism. It is not about imposing or convincing, just knowing what the other person thinks. Let the other talk as much as you want to talk. If you have doubts, the following point will help you.
Ask lots of questions
Referring to essay paper writing service that has hundreds of relationship advice, don’t leave room for doubts, uncertainties or simple gaps. If your partner finds it hard to express herself or is simply very curt with her answers, you’d better ask what you want to know. Asking allows you to know what he/she wants, how he/she wants it, when he/she wants it and above all, if it is with you that he/she wants it. If your partner simply can’t answer you, maybe he doesn’t know what he wants, is afraid to face it, or is afraid to be honest with you. Whatever the cause of his lack of response, it strongly indicates what you want to know.
It’s never too late to talk about it
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for 8 years and you’ve never talked about it and you don’t think it’s time. Better late than never, and it will always be good to make a decision knowing if your partner shares your idea of the future. This also implies that no matter if you have been together “forever”, it is useless if you have understood life differently. It is better to carry a few months of mourning the separation, than the eternal hope of something that will never happen. Don’t delude yourself or believe that the flow of things will take you to the place you want. Flowing is like floating in the sea, it can take you somewhere but you can get shipwrecked in the middle of nowhere.
Both in what you expect from each other and what you yourself want from a relationship. Don’t lie to get the other person’s hopes up, knowing that in the future you won’t be able to meet their expectations, and conversely, be realistic about what you can expect from your partner. Although people can change their minds, don’t expect to convince anyone to change their minds. Face reality, and if you are already certain that your relationship is going nowhere, it is best to define what you want.
Don’t give up any of your dreams
Many times, we believe that starting a life as a couple, definitively and formally, means leaving aside everything you have always wanted to do. Your partner should never be an obstacle to your personal development; instead, he or she should be a motivation, a support and a great encouragement. In addition to having someone to support you at all times, you can also project many dreams with her or him. When you talk about the future, don’t rule out everything you each want to do on your own, but if it involves other people or the presence of your partner makes it impossible, it’s better to make a decision.
Find the right place and the right time
It may not be the best idea to announce that you need to talk to her or him, as this may put them on the defensive, but if you know your partner you’ll know when it’s the best time to talk about the relationship. Maybe it’s in the car on the way somewhere, over coffee on a Saturday afternoon, or when you wake up in the morning. You can bring up the subject little by little, being subtle to get it to the point you want to get to. Obviously, you will know how to choose the place and the time, so that both of you can talk frankly and openly. This knowledge involves avoiding distractions such as friends or family and interruptions such as cell phone notifications.
Don’t take offense and don’t take anything personally If you want the talk to take you somewhere and for honesty to be the basis of it, you must resist what your partner may say to you, regardless of whether it is not what you expect. If we consider that your partner is not an unhinged person, he/she will tell you what he/she really wants, so that you can know what you will do with what you yourself want. If you don’t understand something, ask. If you have doubts, ask him to go deeper.